Meetings revisited

Three weeks ago, I wrote a post on the benefits of speaking up in meetings.  I got some questions back about how to do this effectively and thought I would dedicate a post to this.  What follows is a collection of everything I know about the subject.

Let’s start with a simple observation: meetings demand leadership.  I think there are at least two types of leadership required.  The first type of leadership is from the person who called the meeting.  Meetings should solve problems or create momentum to solving problems.  Who attends, how long the meeting lasts, what the agenda is and the time management necessary to cover all the issues requires organizational leadership.  There is a second type of leadership and that comes from subject-matter expertise.  Most meetings involve an element of input and discussion from experts to reach their goals, and for this to happen meetings require a sufficient number of people who are willing to actively contribute and more importantly lead the discussion towards a conclusion.

Keeping with the initial broad strokes, I want to identify two personality types that join meetings.  This is quite reductive but let’s call them meeting extroverts and meeting introverts.  I know introversion and extroversion are far more nuanced and complicated and that isn’t the subject of this post.  For the purposes of today’s post, I would describe meeting extroverts are those that like to contribute and are comfortable discussing a topic in an open forum to elicit facts and opinions and start solving the problem in real time.  Meeting introverts would rather listen to all the information provided and then challenge the assumptions and form an opinion in their own time after the meeting has finished.  The meeting introvert will then typically follow-up by offering their opinions via email or in private meetings.

Towards the beginning of my career, I worked for a manager who was a meeting introvert.  They were a phenomenal manager, they had a deep knowledge of the business and could easily spot issues before they arose.  The problem was that they didn’t do this in meetings.  As I mentioned in my post three weeks ago, speaking up in meetings is an easy way to get yourself noticed and can help accelerate your career.  This manager’s career had stalled and they were offered some business coaching by the company.  My manager was kind enough to discuss the coaching in our catch-ups and the lessons have always stuck with me.  One of the ideas was that the first three or four people to speak in a meeting are naturally seen as leaders in the meeting and everyone else will look to them to help drive the group towards a decision or conclusion.  I would go further and suggest that until the first three or four people have spoken the meeting hasn’t properly started because there isn’t sufficient leadership and trust in the forum for it to be successful.  When people with knowledge start speaking, I often witness an inaudible sigh of relief from the collected group of individuals as if they have passed through an important initial threshold.  For meeting introverts this feeling persists until the end of the meeting as they will happily be gathering all the information they need.  For meeting extroverts, if they aren’t speaking or able to contribute there will be a sense of restlessness as they aren’t playing to their strengths.  When we realize this dynamic, the advice to everyone, particularly meeting introverts, is to speak-up early in meetings.  This is challenging and requires meeting introverts to push themselves out of their comfort zone. The pay-off is to be seen as a leader, a vital contributor and an opportunity to demonstrate your subject matter expertise.  This is incredibly valuable when we think about career progression.  I am biased because I am very much a meeting extrovert, but I find getting good ideas aired in a meeting to be far more efficient and effective than offline follow-ups without everyone in attendance.

We have all been in meetings where someone derails the agenda by focusing on something that whilst important to them is a secondary issue or a lower priority.  It is the job of the meeting organizer to bring the discussion back on topic quickly.  If that doesn’t happen, there is an opportunity for anyone else in the meeting to demonstrate leadership by jumping in with a comment that either moves the conversation forward or shuts down the discussion and shifts to a more important topic.  There are ways to do this that don’t come across as rude.  One of my favorite methods of making a point in a meeting is to link it to a comment that someone has already made.  This quickly demonstrates that the point is relevant and builds off an earlier idea.  However, it is also both entertaining and softens the blow if you link your comment to the person who has derailed the meeting even when it has nothing to do with what they are saying.  An example might be: “Colleague A makes some great points; I would like to echo their thoughts and specifically pick up on one thing they said about Issue B which should be a key focus because that has the greatest bearing on the project’s success”.  Who cares if Colleague A never mentioned Issue B, they were name-checked respectfully, you backed up their comments, and by the time anyone notices your verbal deception you are back on track talking about the stuff that matters.

Let’s shift gears and focus on body language.  If this isn’t a recognized standard, I am hoping I can make it one.  When I am receiving information, I sit back in my chair.  Ideally without crossing my arms or closing myself off and definitely not looking bored and disinterested.  When I want to contribute, I sit up straight and slightly forward.  For those who find it hard to get a word in and contribute at meetings, review your body language carefully.  It’s nearly impossible to interrupt or make a point when you are sitting back in your chair.  At the same time if you want to maximize the impact of your contribution, remember to sit back when you aren’t talking.  This comes naturally to some people, but most people never really focus on it.  If you are struggling to contribute, remember that you don’t need to get everyone’s attention before you start speaking and you don’t need to talk over others.  Simply making an audible sound and/or sitting forward within earshot or peripheral vision of the meeting leader should be sufficient to get their attention and they should invite you in to make your point.  If you are on VC, they have a useful “hand up” emoji which works like the “service now” light on a car; it can’t be ignored for long.  Good meeting leaders will actively solicit opinions from those that they know have valuable contributions.  If you know you want to raise a point and are aware that some attendees tend to hog the time or repeat themselves, speak to the meeting organizer ahead of time.  You don’t even need to be explicit about wanting to make a point, if you just discuss the issue ahead of time the meeting organizer will likely throw to you at the relevant moment to make sure they have covered everyone’s opinion.

If you regularly attend a meeting with a difficult, combative or verbally aggressive colleague, the best advice I have is to sit next to them rather than across from them.  The debating chambers in the UK House of Parliament are purposely set up with the two largest political parties facing each other exactly two sword lengths apart to promote debate and dissuade sword-based physical violence.  It is far easier to verbally attack someone when they are across from you and much harder to turn in your seat and do the same when they are sat next to you.  If you are worried about not being able to contribute whilst sat next to someone like this, leave one or two chairs between you. 

Always practice the points you want to make in advance if you struggle to contribute clearly in meetings.  In my mid-thirties I joined and led a team within a department with quite a combative leader.  During their weekly departmental meeting, they would quickly lose faith in staff members who got tongue-tied or stumbled under the barrage of their inquisition.  I would usually hold a pre-meeting with my team immediately before as a way of aligning on the objectives for the week and to prepare everyone for the department meeting to follow.  We had one young member of the team who was starting to manage the forecasting process and who wanted to step-up and communicate the progress and results in the departmental meeting.  I had seen this member of staff struggle previously, so I asked them to practice what they were going to say in the pre-meeting.  I think they thought it would be a soft, easy crowd, but that wouldn’t be effective practice or very helpful.  Without telling them in advance I took on the role of the head of the department and challenged them directly.  I got them to fumble the message and lose their train of thought.  The member of staff looked hurt, but I explained that this is what would happen in the next meeting and now was the chance to focus on the messages they wanted to land.  We practiced shortening their answers to the key information and prepping for follow-up questions.  I gave them a form of words to use if asked something they didn’t know so they weren’t tempted to make up an answer.  We went into the next meeting, and they not only survived the inquisition, but they also gave an exceptional performance.  Later in my one-on-one with the head of department they referenced how impressed they were with the member of staff and how much they had developed.  That member of staff was deservedly promoted a couple of months later and that meeting had done more than anything else to change other’s perceptions of them. 

My final suggestion is to watch your facial expressions.  In the departmental meeting discussed above I practiced what I preached and I would sit on the same side of the table as the departmental head (until I explained my approach to the team and found that everyone else was getting in early to grab that seat!)  I have what you would generously describe as large, expressive eyebrows.  I am not really joking when I mention to colleagues that I have minimal control over my eyebrows and that they are largely autonomous.  I believe it would be possible to sit through some meetings and let my eyebrows communicate on my behalf.  Months after joining the team, we went out for drinks, and they admitted to me that they would listen to what the department head would say and then look at my eyebrows to see if I agreed.  If my right eyebrow was elevated, they knew I disagreed.  Clearly, I am hopeless at poker and I have now let all my current colleagues know my tells.   If you want to be part of a conversation, try and go for a welcoming upbeat expression if possible.  Everything should look natural and not forced and be mindful of facial expressions that give away more than you intend.

So that is my summary of meetings and how to be effective as possible in them.  I would love to know your thoughts or receive invites for the next poker night where I can lose my shirt.  Next week’s blog will be on making changes in your team.