Networking

I am going to come right out and say it: I don’t like networking or rather I don’t like the image I have of networking.  Based on this statement, why would you want to continue reading and why have I written about it?  Firstly, I suspect that my reservations are probably shared by many people.  Secondly, I have observed it being done well and this has helped me to redefine how I think about networking.   Finally, when I stopped to think about the purpose of networking, I realized it didn’t need to be awful and we can often avoid or minimize the bits we don’t like.  This post is in the category of “things I wish I knew earlier in my career”. 

I’ll give you my worst experience up front.  I was newly elevated to a general manager role and traveled back to the UK for a client-facing work event.  In the evening there was a gala dinner for over 500 people.  The arrival times were staggered due to the number of people invited.  I arrived with a colleague I knew but decided to use the restroom before entering the main venue.  When I finally entered the venue I found everyone was grouped tightly to one side of the room whilst the final table preparations were happening.  I couldn’t see anyone I knew; I couldn’t move past the people I didn’t know because there was no space.  I was there representing my company but found myself standing on my own not saying anything to anyone.  The people nearest me all knew each other and were in mid-conversation and it didn’t feel appropriate to interrupt.  A wave of negative feelings was flooding over me and sapping my confidence levels.  I felt embarrassed and I was experiencing peak imposter syndrome.  I was rescued from this spiral by my iPhone and my wife’s calming and kind texts whilst I pretended to attend to some urgent work.  Within 20 minutes my torment was relieved as the event started and we were allowed find our seats and the clients we were hosting.  Unfortunately, by that time I had decided that I was hopeless at networking, and it wasn’t for me.

I would describe myself as outgoing, sociable and enjoy getting to know a wide range of people.  However, like many other people I don’t like that initial leap of joining an interest group or event where I don’t know anyone.  It’s even worse when you are new and everyone else knows each other.  Experiences include the first time I turned out for my rugby team or travelling to join a photography trip and going all the way back to my first day at college; these were all awkward moments.  These situations are much easier if have a friend with you, or you are participating in something purely for yourself with no competition or you are indulging a passion that is shared with the people around you.  They are harder when you know no-one, when others are depending on you to perform and your confidence is low.  At times these events are unavoidable and with luck the awkward phase is quick and you begin reap the benefits and camaraderie of an extended network.  Fortunately, networking isn’t just working a room of strangers that happen to be in the same industry.

I am going to take a side-step at this point and highlight someone who is amazing at networking without knowing it and has done it all based on circumstance and instinct.  My wife Samantha is not naturally confident, but she is outgoing and likes socializing.  She hates dancing and karoke and any activity that puts her in a spotlight, even after a few drinks.  These details are important, because she is not someone you would automatically consider to be good at networking.  Seven years ago, Sam found her passion and she joined the cult of Pilates.  The practice of Pilates gave her a friendship group in Miami after we moved there from Singapore and was also beneficial to her health.  When the pandemic struck in 2020, opportunities to learn how to teach Pilates with New York studios became available online for the first time.  Sam was certified in mat Pilates from the comfort of our locked-down living room and then as restrictions lifted she completed the rest of her training in a local studio.  So far, so what?  The genius part was that her passion for Pilates drove her to seek out the most experienced practitioners of the craft.  She would consume hours of videos of instructors teaching, then join live classes that they were hosting online for the Pandemic.  She would join their advanced training to tap into their expertise and became a familiar and friendly presence on their Zoom calls.  She would later visit these would-be mentors in person when we visited New York.  The connection was on a human-level through a shared passion of Pilates.  There was no calculation or premeditation, Sam simply loves Pilates and sharing that love with similar-minded people.  Frequently she would be directed to seek out other instructors and studios in cities where we vacationed and closer to home in Miami that we would then visit at weekends, and her network continued to grow.  Her first paid work was teaching online for a New York studio whilst we still lived in Miami.  This opportunity arose because she had visited and fallen in love with the studio before lock-down and had been taking weekly online classes during the pandemic.  By simply following her passion she had networked with the owner of the studio and got her first work experience.  We now live in New York and Sam works at the same studio in person.  Sam was so-well networked, and the need for instructors so acute, that she was approached by another 6 studios the week we landed.  When I pointed out to Sam how good she was at networking, she just looked at me with a confused look on her face and then offered me a Pilates class

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What makes Sam a good networker?  To answer that we must briefly consider what networking is and what purpose it solves.  At its very foundational level, networking is about increasing the number of individuals you are connected to.  The primary objective of building out a network is exchanging useful information.  What distinguishes networking from business development and sales activity, is that you don’t necessarily know what information networking will give you, it just increases the size of the net with which you can catch information that is available.  Even before Sam had decided her ambition was to teach Pilates and before we knew we were moving to New York, Sam was building a network just to increase her knowledge and share her passion in Pilates.  In the end the network connected her with some of the best training available and then followed up with work opportunities that she would have been otherwise unaware of.  I believe Sam is a good networker because she wasn’t building a network for a specific outcome.  The people in Sam’s network have an authentic connection with her and don’t feel they were exploited as part of a quick sale.

With that said, some people do network because they work in sales and it is a necessary activity to develop new business.  What I realized as I thought about my own reluctance to network was that I wasn’t against networking, I just wouldn’t be any good at that type of sales role.  So, this gives us a chance to shape what type of networking would work for us personally and to focus on those opportunities rather than wasting energy focusing on networking practices that we don’t enjoy. 

When I transitioned from finance to general management my line manager offered me a business coach.  I jumped at the opportunity.  For those unfamiliar, the process starts with conversations between the business coach and people you work with to identify areas of strength and development.  You then select two or three areas of development to work on with the coach over a period of a few months.  One of the areas I chose to focus on was how to build an external network to help me in Miami. 

The advice from the coach changed my thinking on what networking can be.  I didn’t need to attend conferences and swap business cards with everyone I met.  Instead, I could follow a more precise approach that was more effective and more enjoyable.  The recommendation was to choose key local contacts in the industry or in adjacent industries, reach out to them directly or via Linkedin and offer to take them to lunch where I could spend some time building a friendly relationship.  The clever part was that during the lunch I would explain my position and that I was new in role and whether there were other specific contacts within their network that they thought I should connect with.  I could ask them to help make the connection and the following month I would repeat the process of offering a lunch to connect.  At no point was I selling anything or demanding specific information.  The offer was always the same, a free lunch and the chance to extend our local networks.  Unfortunately, the pandemic brought my nascent networking project to a halt my, but as advice it is simple and easy to action.

Networking will never come to me as easily as it does to others, and it is something I need to push myself to do rather than it happening organically.  At the same time there is comfort knowing that I will avoid jobs that require me to walk through conference halls with a forced smile and a sales pitch. 

Next week’s post is on morning routines.  There is plenty of advice out there and I will pull together some of what I have heard and let you know what I have tried to set my day up for success.